Boxing Day football remains one of the most fun parts of Christmas for me. Or rather, going to a football ground does, as the football itself often has more than a hint of one too many helpings of Christmas pudding. But here we go again, off to Longmead for fresh air and a big crowd ready to be entertained.

Unfortunately the National League’s idea of seasonal entertainment for the good people of Tonbridge this year is a double header with Welling United. This is a team who the Angels beat once a decade if they are lucky, and who are usually as easy on the eye as my mother in law’s bread sauce is on the palate.

The game was preceded by a perfectly observed minute’s silence for World Cup winner and one-time Angels manager, George Cohen.

The match started slowly, with the first fifteen minutes being played at half pace, and little to suggest there was a feast of free flowing football to follow. Welling had come to trip, spoil and scuffle in the hope of picking up some Christmas scraps. Tonbridge were looking distracted, trying to pretend they had something else to do to avoid the washing up.

Fortunately the pace picked up as Tonbridge started to create a flow to their game, and for their part Welling used the width of the pitch effectively to bludgeon the occasional corner. However, clear cut chances were at a premium, and a goalless first half was drifting towards its conclusion when they key moment of the game occurred.

The referee, who had performed well on previous visits to Longmead, had clearly lost at Christmas charades and was having a bit of a sulk, generally letting the kids do what they wanted and not getting involved. But such laissez faire parenting has its drawbacks. It’s all very well doing that when they are playing a game that is easy going, but when you have one that is scruffy and niggly, things will get out of hand and squabbles will break out between the big boys over who can play with the best toys. Which is exactly what happened on the stroke of half time.

Two Welling lumps blocked the Tonbridge keeper at a corner which turned into swinging arms and elbows, and a melee ensued. The referee decided that the best way to deal with this was from a safe distance with a lengthy Christmas concerto on his whistle, which meant it dragged on until everyone was bored. With tempo and tempers raised, Greenidge broke away to the other end, rounded the goalkeeper and, with an easy ball to roll into goal, was ankle tapped from behind and sent sprawling.

Penalty and red card to the Welling keeper on the stroke of half time. Game changer.

But, no, puffed out by his solo of “I was Kaiser Bill’s Batman” (obscure musical reference, Google it), Whistling Jack Packman decided from another suitably safe distance that although being past the keeper and clear through on goal, Greenidge had dived, and booked him for simulation. Presumably never once asking himself why on earth would Greenidge do that?

So it remained 0-0, to the frustration of the majority of the 1270 crowd.

For many of the 1270 the frustration was then magnified by woeful half time service at both large bars in the ground. Not for the first time this season the bar staff seemed to need three of them to serve one person, often doing so with all the good grace of my reaction to being offered turkey curry for lunch today.

Apparently the second half started much the same as the first, but this time Welling opened the scoring with a simple cross and tap in on the 54th minute. I say apparently, because I was still some way from the front of the “half time” bar queue. Yes, I know I could have given up, left the queue and gone back outside, but if you believe that you are clearly a holidaymaker from another country who has failed to grasp British queuing etiquette. Once in, you hang on regardless.

When I finally returned to the terraces, Welling were happily conceding ground to the Angels, inviting them to break down their well organised defence, which they largely failed to do. Aransibia thundered a dipping long range strike against the crossbar, and the Welling keeper made a truly outstanding save at the foot of the post from a downward header on the one occasion when Tonbridge created a chance inside his area.

Much huffing and scuffing later we were down the the last moments of added time, and the Tonbridge keeper came up for a late corner. He connected at the far post with the best header of the match, which produced another fine finger tip save from his opposite number.

Puffing Billy then endeared himself once more to the home crowd by not allowing time for the next corner to be taken, while the Welling players let themselves down by goading the Angels fans. All fuel to the fire for the rematch on New Year’s Day.

At the end the quality bought by having a much bigger budget to spend on key players at both ends of the pitch was the difference between the two sides, but did not detract from the fact that Tonbridge had again failed to win at home against a team below them in the table. The Welling owner, who turned up in his chauffeur driven limo, will no doubt have chewed contentedly on his cigar as he glided home.

Mid table beckons for the Angels, which most of the home fans would have been perfectly happy with at the start of the season. Thoughts are already turning to next season, when the progress and promise of this season will raise expectations of a play off place, and maybe even getting a half time drink in the allotted time available.

It’s been a very interesting twelve months for the Angels. Replacing a long serving manager in acrimonious circumstances; digging up one of the best grass pitches in the league in return for the longer term financial stability of a 3G pitch with seven day a week access, and a genuine belief that the club should go higher.

Thanks to Kathyrn whose photographs I have taken the liberty of adding to this report, Merry Christmas one and all, and here’s to 2023 being better for us all than this decade has served up so far 💙